I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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