i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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