Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
