That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
