in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
