Already got asked if we're dating
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
