I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry about my life...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
