One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
