How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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