my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
