I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
