im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
