Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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