So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize