Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
