Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
