he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
