I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
