A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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