well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
