I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
