Cold hands, warm shart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
