I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
