Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
