I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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