I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
