i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
