You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
