How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
