Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
