i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
