can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
