Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
