come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
