I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
