mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
