You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
