There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize