Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
