if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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