i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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