u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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