What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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