i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
