THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
