You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
