Your mouth is God's brothel.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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