He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
