Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize