She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
