A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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