Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
