I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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