his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
