i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
