Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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