Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
