You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
