just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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