like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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