I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
