stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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