Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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