shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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