Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
