i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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