Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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