I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
