Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
