She's JV to your varsity
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
