I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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