508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
