My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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