I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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