i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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