I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
