So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize