i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
its liver damage thursday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
