I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
