Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
