She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
