please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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