Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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