I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
