so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize