A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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